The following Friday, week, April and we met with Dr Nik and Dr Michael O Leary together with an oncology nurse to hear just how bad the news really was.
The biopsies were back and our surgeon's initial suspicions were confirmed. It was bad news. The cancer had spread extensively and all the biopsies they took were positive for cancer. Ironically, only in medicine does the word "positive" mean the worst news possible! They told me given the aggressiveness of the histology, I would be needing surgery sooner rather than later.
The two surgeons put their heads together and, Nik having the next available theatre day, cleared as much of his schedule as he could and I was booked to go under the knife 4 days later.
Fergus and I had hoped, prayed and not allowed ourselves to believe things could get so bad, but in just that 15 minute consult, they had...and worse!
Walking out of the hospital that day, was one of the first times I allowed myself to utterly crumble.
The clinic we walked through was also running as an ante-natal clinic.
Walking through all those ladies with their pregnant bumps, the look of excitement and anticipation on their faces and those of their partners is an experience I will never forget.
Fergus held my hand a little tighter and I could feel his pain too. By the time I got outside the front door and turned left towards the car park, I just remember stumbling back against the wall while Fergus caught me in his arms and held me until I stopped shaking he literally squeezed all those breaking parts of me back together again!
After a few more tears, we needed to get practical again. I would be needing some comfortable clothes. Trousers for lounging around in, cozy pj's, snug hoodies, good books, crossword puzzles... all absolute essentials in any hospital bag! Not to mention a few bandanas for when the chemo would take my hair!
Plus, it was an excuse for us to go to one of our favourite places for a night - Dun Laoighre! We love the Royal Marine Hotel there with its beautiful sea views and pier walks. And of course, passing DunDrum would give us the ideal excuse to pop in to TGIF for my favourite loaded skins!
It was a lovely little break away from the scary reality that awaited us back home, but as we headed West on Sunday, we did so with the resolve that we would still stay smiling. And on the days we wouldn't be able to, then we knew we were surrounded by so many loving family and friends, they would do it for us.
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