A Stick, A Seat and A Session! 22 July 2017

 I love Passenger - his songs are so beautiful and meaningful. One particular favourite of mine is "Riding This Bike" and is about an old man who is dying, likely of cancer, who is determined to ride his bike across America to see his granddaughter one last time. It is about the deterination and power of human resiliance. When he performed it at this year's show in The Big Top for Galway Arts Festival, he dedicated it to all those living with and all those cancer survivors. It was beautiful and I had goosebumps for the entire song!

Of course, having had a good few chemo sessions at this stage, I was getting pretty tired and weak, and knew I would not be anle to stand for the whole concert. So, my clever sister Yvonne sourced me a walking stick that converts into a little stool. I couldn't resist but "pose" with it!!! In fairness, it was a God-send though!

St. Luke's Run - 18 June 2017

Me as the "Flying Doctor" with the pack in the good days.

The St Luke's bike run is an annual event that I am proud to say I've taken part in for the last 10 years. It was started off by a very special friend of mine, Loretta, after her own cancer diagnosis. So far, she has over 1 million euro raised for the St Luke's Cancer hospital in Dublin.

In happier times... with mammy2 on the left and Loretta on the right.

It's people like Loretta that have given me the inspiration and courage that I need to walk my own cancer journey. Turning something as soul-destroying as cancer into something positive is no easy feat!  Little did I know when I first joined those bikers one June morning many years ago, that I would end up a cancer patient myself.

I've been proudly riding along with them every mile of the way as their medic since that very first day I joined in 2010. However, this year - 2017 - I couldn't. Instead, the bikers came to Galway to stop off and say hello! It was strange at first hearing the roar of the bikes coming up the street towards Eyre Square. Usually, I would feel goosebumps at the sound! The steadily rising roar and thud of the engines - from cruisers to sports bikes and everything in between! It's an incredible sound and even more incredible being a part of the pack! This year though, it was just tears stinging my eyes that I felt. Tears of sadness that I couldn't ride with them... tears of fear and grief wondering if I would ever ride with them again... and tears of love knowing that they were all stopping off here in Galway for me...x

One by one, they all parked up and came over to hug me. The love, the encouragement, the laughs... they made me smile! Not my often used "mask" smile, but a real smile! There,s a brother/sisterhood amongst bikers... a respect, a bond that joins us all together regardless of where we come from or what we work at... We're all equal. We're all in this together! We never leave a brother or sister behind!

It takes a certain type of person to get on top of a metal tank full of highly flammable fuel and tear down the road at 60mph! Some people call us mad! Maybe we are. But I can tell you that the friends I've made through biking are the most loyal, loving, supportive and encouraging bunch of people I've ever met!

An Emotional Reunion

After a lovely catch up, we had a group photo taken as Aidan presented me with a lovely gift. Then, it was time for them to go. It was very emotional and as they rode off and that lovely sound, that steady, deep roar of the engines faded away slowly.

Here are just a few photos of the day...

The Paramedics and Red Cross who volunteer in the ambulances

Mary and Kevina - the"Drinkin' Buddies"

Why us? Round 2...

June 19th 2017

Round two of chemo was on 19th June. I remember taking the above photo in the car as Fergus drove us in. We sat in traffic and neither of us felt very much like smiling, but we did, even if it was just for the photo!

As we slowly inched along with the rest of the cars, I remember thinking about the countless mornings before when I had sat in this very same traffic, rushing in for work. My mind would have been preoccupied with things I needed to do, results to be followed up on, bad news to be broken, reports to be written etc. I would have been marching along to the same beat as the people in the cars in front, beside and behind, all anticipating the long busy day ahead... especially on Mondays such as this morning was. I'm sure there were a lot of people around us sitting in their cars feeling like that this morning. But this time, I wanted to open the car window and scream at everyone that I wasn't going to work... I was going for chemo. I had cancer. I felt cheated. I felt upset that my mind didn't need to worry about other people's problems today. I felt angry that I wasn't actually angry with the slow moving traffic this very morning!

I remember someone on a motorbike zooming up the bus lane passing us out. That could have been me on my morning commute.... that should have been me!

I turned to Fergus, and, in an infrequent moment of self pity, I asked him, "Why us?"
There were tears in both our eyes as he reached out for my hand and replied gently, "why not us?"

I wish I could say that this was the last time I asked that question, but it's not. I believe the majority of us are subconsciously of the attitude, "sur it'll never happen to me". I know I was. But the truth is, none of us are invincible. Life is extremely fragile and precious. Be gentle and kind with each person you meet as you never know what pain someone may be carrying. A smile can hide a thousand tears.

Thankfully, once we checked into the oncology day ward this morning, we didn't have the delay of waiting for my bloods. This is because of some truly amazing friends - fellow GP Marie-Therese Glynn, her phlebotomist mum Mary-Rose and the top man in the lab in UHG Tommie Mellet! Tommie gave us the "all clear" for them to take my bloods from the comfort of my own home on the Sunday night. One of them would then drop them into the lab, and my results would be there on file for first thing the next morning. It really was a blessing and shortened our hospital stay by up to 2 hours each day.

Another thing that struck me today was that I was no longer the "newbie". In fact, I was able to pick out the new patients today! Many of the faces I saw this morning were the same ones from three weeks ago and I was now greeted by smiles and easy small talk. Someone once gently advised me to be cautious about making friends in the oncology unit. I know they meant well, obviously being concerned about how I would cope if/when somebody that I had befriended became unwell or died. But this seemed ridiculous to me today. It makes for a much easier journey for all of us when we can open up a little to each other and even become friends. Yes, it hurt seeing the suffering and as the weeks went on, it also hurt losing these people I had come to see as friends. But I can honestly say that knowing them, and having them as friends, enriched my life and eased my journey a lot. I hope I helped to ease theirs.

A kiss from my rock as the infusion got started. 

Once I got settled into my comfortable chair and they had set up an i.v. line, I explained to Chrissie, my oncology nurse, how nauseated I had been feeling since the first chemo session. The nausea came on around two days after the infusions and lasted for about a week or so. They had given me anti-sickness tablets but they didn't work particularly well for me. Like I said earlier in the blog, everyone responds differently to chemo and it can take a couple of sessions before they find the right balance of meds for each individual.

I also found the steroids caused a lot of difficulty in sleeping and I seemed to suffer a lot of anxiety as a result. It is difficult to openly admit this as I prefer to be seen as the "strong one" and to be positive and optimistic in life - and this is still valid 3 years on! I don't want to drag people down with me when I get upset and worried about the cancer and all that goes with it. But, between a combination of sleeplessness and nausea, I knew I was struggling. Thankfully, as I opened up to the nurse, she smiled gently and reassured me that I wasn't "mad" and that everything I described was very common in oncology patients - both during and after treatment.

I think it's important to mention here, as I type this blog up 3 years on from my diagnosis, that the fear and frequent sleepless nights do continue. Cancer is not like a physical wound that can be cleaned, stitched, dressed and watched heal over! It is not like a chest infection that can be treated with a course of antibiotics and hey presto - the patient is cured! On the contrary, it is like a persistent dark cloud that hangs directly overhead. Even on the sunniest of days, I know it is always there. But its shadow is only visible to those I chose to show it to.

The Headshave...

My Wonderful Family after the Headshave

Today, the 14th June 2017, was another one of those massive hurdles that many patients have to overcome on this cancer journey... and I would be lying if I said I hadn't been dreading it. But it happened at the ideal time - because the very morning of the headshave day, I had awoken to a pillow full of hair... The clumps that fell out in the shower that morning landed in the shower-tray with a clearly audible "slop" sound... followed (and I don't meant to be so vain...) by the steady flow of tears down my face.

With mum and dad before the shave

The 4 of us before the Shave

Fergus and I had known my hair was inevitably going to start falling out around the middle of the 3rd week. Rather than wallow in sadness, or face the dread of going out and meeting our nearest and dearest over the coming days and weeks with my bald head, we decided to throw a house party! We wanted to turn something overwhelmingly negative into something positive.

I was also concerned how our niece, nephew and all our 'adopted' nieces and nephews would react when they would see my bald shiney head! Children are real deep thinkers. I feared they might associate sickness or medication with hair loss, so they were also part of our motivation to turn this into something special, and a little fun!

We started a fundraising page for Cancer Care West (CCW) on the "everyday hero" website. I am proud to say that we have nearly E9000 raised to help them. CCW are a largely voluntary organisation in Galway that help cancer patients and their loved ones on the cancer journey, and after... They offer amazing services, including counselling, lymphoedema treatment, physio, reflexology, art therapy and much more. Little did I know how much I was going to depend on them in the future months...and years.

My Rock

We had both our families over to the house along with my hairdresser Mary who kindly offered to do the headshave. It must have been difficult for her to have to shave off a friend's hair. But I can say that I will be eternally grateful that it was someone I called a friend that was there to do it for me on the day. I will never forget the sound of the scissors cutting through the platted hair, or the vibrations of the electric razor over my scalp... And when it was all done in the privacy of my bedroom while everyone waited downstairs, she quietly cleaned up and left.

Fergus was waiting outside the bedroom door and came in when she was finished. I couldn't help but cry when I looked in the mirror.... I was beginning to look less like Serena and more and more like a cancer patient... but Fergus came in, touched my head and simply said, "hello beautiful"... then he put his arms around me and held me until I was ready to go downstairs and meet everyone.

Cuddles from a shaved Fergus and a hairy Betty!

As we walked down the stairs, everyone had lined the hallway and the kitchen. It was like coming downstairs to a hero's welcome - there was clapping mixed with smiles and tears...and a lot of hugs. Then I was handed a shot of Sambuca, declared the party started, - we moved on to the other's head shaves! Avril, God bless her, was amazing! She had beautiful long brown hair and got it all shaved off! Liam, with his thick head of white hair and life long beard, shaved it all off. None of his family had ever seen him without a beard! And even Fergus shaved his head too, offering to keep it shaved for as long as I was bald if that would help me feel better! But I couldn't let him do that, I love his hair!

The kids got involved too with the electric shavers and joined in the 'fun'. For them it created a sense of fun and from then on, they never asked any questions as to why I was bald. 

Avril rockin' the shaved look!

Father - minus his famous beard! Next for the headshave!

Hugs from mum

Hugs from Yvonne & Tony

With my "Drinkin' Buddies"!

Dee, Ray, Noah, Setanta, Ribeaca and Brian

Fu and Brianers

Hugs with Dee

Betty giving more hugs to Yvonne and me

My adorable Godson Brian - a cuddle from him always makes me smile!

Sambuca Time!

Dad messing with hair pieces!

THE original Mammy and Daddy 2! They set me and Fergus up on our first date!

with MT

My adorable nephew Cillian

With my Heros after the Shave!

Making the Most of My Hair! Being Spoilt in Killarney!

Because of the chemo, I was unable to go to Killarney for the annual Harley Bike Fest. So Caroline and Johnny left their caravan in the camping ground and brought me down the following weekend of June 10th instead! It was the end of the 2nd week at this stage and I wasn't feeling too bad. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. Caroline and I stopped for a lovely lunch in Adare on the way down and Johnny followed us on his bike. 

It was such a peaceful weekend! The sun was shining and warm on my face. The birds were chirping loudly. We took a trip on a horse drawn carriage through the forest and visited Muckross house. I was totally spoilt for the entire weekend with delicious food and truly special company. It was also a great way to try forget about the upcoming headshave in a few days time. 

Thank you Mammy2 and Daddy2, you always look after me and are always there through thick and thin. Love you xxx

At Mucross House

In our Horsedrawn Carriage